I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
