it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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