DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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