thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
