Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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