i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
