I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
