i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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