it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
