Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
