Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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