It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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