I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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