Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
