Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
