I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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