I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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