Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
