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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
