If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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