After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
