I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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