I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
