i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
