Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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