I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
