There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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