You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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