I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
