I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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