I wannas sexs uuuuu
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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