did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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