I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
