dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
