How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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