He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
