If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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