alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
