Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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