Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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