Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
