dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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