Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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