i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
