Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
