Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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