He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Less talking, more tequila
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
