May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
