why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
