it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Randomize
