i just wanna soil my oats bro
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
