I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize