yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
