if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
