You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
