I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
