Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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