I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
