if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You're earring is so big in my mouth
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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