I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
