He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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