Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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