Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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