I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
