he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
