her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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