this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
