Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize