Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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