So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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