i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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