he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
