my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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