I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
