that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
