As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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