I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
