i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
