let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
