Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
