Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize