3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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