You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
