First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
