the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
