hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
