I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
