I heard we made out
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
