"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
