So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Green mimosas i think yes
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize