How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
