i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
