You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I pour the whiskey from now on
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
