walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
