Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
