I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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