i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
