i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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