PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
