I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
