well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
