I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
