Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
