Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
