I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
