I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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