he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
