I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You are a genius and a whore.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
