normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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