I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
