Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
