The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
