It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
